You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
