I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize