my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
