I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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