yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
