I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
