Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize