Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
