after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize