i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
