you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
