I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
