How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
