we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
