dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
