guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
