I cockslap morals
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
