i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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