at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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