Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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