My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
