you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
