Plan B is the new Plan A
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
