Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
