There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
