if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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