what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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