Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
