Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
