this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
