Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
