well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just want to make out with him forever
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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