we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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