Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize