It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
