apparently the secret to your success is patron
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
