Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
