Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
