My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize