my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
