So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
