Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
