so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
