I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
