I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
worst night to have a conscience
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
