Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
