My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
what the fuck happened to the tacos
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
