i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
