I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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