That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Randomize
