I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize