so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
