omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
