Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
