It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize