I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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