dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
