none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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