Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
