btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
