thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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