sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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