are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
