And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
