I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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