You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
