this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
