alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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