Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize