They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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