so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
