My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize