Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
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