I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
