Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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