you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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