so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
