I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
