I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
