she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
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