this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize