Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
