he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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