i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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