Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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