hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
