Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
