Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
