It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
sex in a hospital.. check
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
