girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
