1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
