Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
