he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
