i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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