Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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