Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
