strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
