apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
