There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You can't just leave with hair like that
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
