i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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