am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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